Spiritual Event

Today I went to a spiritual market nearby my hometown. It was the biggest spiritual event in the Netherlands, Belgium and Luxembourgh. I spend my time there with two of my close friends.

The market was fun. A lot of stands offering all kind of spiritual stuff. There were many cards (tarot and other) and other stuff like incense ( a LOT of incense) and even musical instruments!! A nice surprise to me where the stands about sjamanism. hey offered spirit shields, smudgers and dream catchers (yawn) I bought a beautiful feather smudger with a peacock feather (stands for pride and confidence), a leather rune pouch, some incense and a new simpler incense burner. Yes, I spend too much money.

There were also readings from paragnosts (some good, some bad) I had a really good one from a man and lady. The lady draws pictures for the person they do the reading for and together they explain and tell you what the problems on your path are and how you need to overcome those problems. They warned me that I needed to break down my walls and let people back into my life again or else I would become a hermit. They advised me to take babysteps and to trust myself. They sad that I am a wise person to whom people come with their questions (too true) and that I don't need to feel social awkward because people who bother to get to know me (learn my handguide) will see me for the person I am. It meant a lot to me because this is a major struggle I face daily that even got worse when I got sick.

To finish the day, I had my very first thai foot massage and I want one again!! It was so nice!! I really felt the pain disappear from my legs and feet after walking all day!

To top this day off, I got the news that young bunnies have been born and I will have mine soon!!!

Burn out

Last year I got a burn out. Yes, big statement for a young person. Over the last year I have had extensive treatment which has really helped me a lot. There is only one big hurdle to take, my job.

I absolutely totally love my job but the workload is really to heavy to handle right now. It is not the job, it is the conditions I have to work in that make my life almost unbearable at times. We don't have enough qualified and all round workers to do the job and there aren't even enough people to teach the new ones the ropes.'

Mentally I am getting better but my work holds me back. I really want to work fulltime but right now I can only handle 75%. I feel guilty because I am "sick". I don't know what to do anymore..... should I go and search for another job? I don't want to do that :(.

They want me to talk to the managers of my department to let them know what is happening to me but I don't really see the use for that :(. (O, if you think I am the only one: 2 others are totally at home and 2 more have difficulties but are still kinda managing).

Any ideas?

Waiting......

I am waiting for the birth of my little bunny. This sounds so strange but I have been waiting for almost 3 months now. Mama bunny is due this week so I hope for good news before the end of next week. I really love rabbits and the one I am getting is really big :D. I hope everything will go well and that in 8 weeks I have my bunny friend in my home.

What being sick means to me

Today has been an off day to me. Yesterday evening I probably ate something wrong which means that I got really sick over the night into this day.

The title of this entry is what being sick means to me. I am one of those blessed with a strange body. I have multiple chronic diseases that I was born with. It affects me daily but I don't let it affect my daily life. Yes, I work fulltime, live alone and have to manage everything on my own. I don't have to stay in bed all the time or have to stop working.

What it does mean to me is that I have to be really carefull with food. I have a chronic bowel disease (my white bloodcells are thinking that my bowell is a strange object that they have to eliminate...... figure that) which was the problem last evening. Everything that hasn't been cooked properly or is fat or has many spices means I will get really sick. So yes, I did have a fun night.

Being sick or having to watch out so not to get sick is something I have to handle on a daily basis. It also means that I can appreciate good days. A doctor ones told me that I walk the marathon every day so it isn't strange that I am tired a lot. Well, being tired won't stop me enjoying my life. It does mean that I have to be really thoughtfull what I do with my energy. So yes, I do enjoy living and learning even more because I know how bad it can be.

So tomorrow there will be another day that I can enjoy!! And I hope it won't be a cold and rainy one but a beautifull one that I can enjoy :).

Cleaning out my closet

Today I decided I had enough of the mess in my house so I decided to clean out my bedroom. It took me 9 hours but it is (with exception of the windows) clean. I couldn't see the floor in my bedroom so messy was it. I moved in my house 10 months ago but I am stilling living out of boxes and bags. Even my bedroom hasn't any curtains. I don't have the many to do all things at the same time so I wait untill I have money before I finish anything in my house.

Today I cleaned out my closet and put clothes that I no longer wear in bags. I also collected all my headscarves and put them on a hanger. I was shocked how many I have. I don't wear them daily because I don't feel comfortable wearing them outside. I don't like being singled out on the street by being to different. Also because difficult questions people ask.

I collected my scarves over the years. Some come from dutch shops but some are german or even from the USA (love ordering online only delivering can be a bitch). I love the feeling on my head it makes me feel centered and concentrated. I read many articles about this subject. I think that covering your head is a decision that every woman from all religions or even atheist should be able to do if it feels right. I don't believe in forced covering or because everyone does it, I believe it must be your own choice.

I use my headscarves when I am studying or doing religious work. it keeps my hair out of my face and the pressure of the band helps me to concentrate on my work or reading. I don't think I will ever cover fulltime although I sometimes envy muslim ladies because they can wear headscarves without any judgements.

Rambling on my christmas and washing machine :D

Christmas was great fun this year. Because I didn't get any gifts with Sinterklaas my family decided that I would get all my presents at christmas eve (we normally don't give gifts during christmas). They really spoiled me! I got bodylotion, a candle, two teatins (I am a real tea freak), some Donald Duck magazines and to top it off..... I got a green Ipod nano!!! I had put it on my list as a joke and never ever expected that I would ever get a gift that large!!!

Christmas was really fun. My family had two great diners together. On the first day of christmas my sister and her boyfriend were with us but they had to go to see his family too. The second day of christmas my boyfriend came over to celebrate with my family. It was only the second time he ever met them so I was really nervous but it all went great! I laughed a lot and ate to much like every year ;).

Today I decided to replace my washingmachine. I found a great one and to my surprise the store asked me if they could deliver it in two hours and install it at my home!! That's really good service!!! I have been without a washing machine for almost half a year and it gives a great feeling of freedom to have one again :).

Guilt and making my home a home

It is almost christmas, a time to spend with family and friends. I am feeling a little guilty that I love to celebrate it with my family instead of with my friends. I would like to please everyone but I just can't. If I try to please everyone I would have to travel for two straight days. Next year I need to think this over before I decide to spend all my time with my family.

Feeling guilty is something I struggle with a lot. I try to please everyone but don't spend enough time with just myself. This evening was the first evening I could spend alone at home. I fell asleep before I even had diner and woke up because someone texted me on my phone. I am so tired because everyone wants something from me that I also want to give. Hospitality is very important too me but I can't show my house because of the mess. I have been  living here for almost a year but it feels like a student apartment. I don't have enough closetspace for all my clothes, I don't have any curtains, I don't have doors in all my rooms etc. I know these are just luxury problems but still....

How to make my home a real home without neglecting my friends and family.... that is my real question :s.