Cleaning out my closet

Today I decided I had enough of the mess in my house so I decided to clean out my bedroom. It took me 9 hours but it is (with exception of the windows) clean. I couldn't see the floor in my bedroom so messy was it. I moved in my house 10 months ago but I am stilling living out of boxes and bags. Even my bedroom hasn't any curtains. I don't have the many to do all things at the same time so I wait untill I have money before I finish anything in my house.

Today I cleaned out my closet and put clothes that I no longer wear in bags. I also collected all my headscarves and put them on a hanger. I was shocked how many I have. I don't wear them daily because I don't feel comfortable wearing them outside. I don't like being singled out on the street by being to different. Also because difficult questions people ask.

I collected my scarves over the years. Some come from dutch shops but some are german or even from the USA (love ordering online only delivering can be a bitch). I love the feeling on my head it makes me feel centered and concentrated. I read many articles about this subject. I think that covering your head is a decision that every woman from all religions or even atheist should be able to do if it feels right. I don't believe in forced covering or because everyone does it, I believe it must be your own choice.

I use my headscarves when I am studying or doing religious work. it keeps my hair out of my face and the pressure of the band helps me to concentrate on my work or reading. I don't think I will ever cover fulltime although I sometimes envy muslim ladies because they can wear headscarves without any judgements.

Rambling on my christmas and washing machine :D

Christmas was great fun this year. Because I didn't get any gifts with Sinterklaas my family decided that I would get all my presents at christmas eve (we normally don't give gifts during christmas). They really spoiled me! I got bodylotion, a candle, two teatins (I am a real tea freak), some Donald Duck magazines and to top it off..... I got a green Ipod nano!!! I had put it on my list as a joke and never ever expected that I would ever get a gift that large!!!

Christmas was really fun. My family had two great diners together. On the first day of christmas my sister and her boyfriend were with us but they had to go to see his family too. The second day of christmas my boyfriend came over to celebrate with my family. It was only the second time he ever met them so I was really nervous but it all went great! I laughed a lot and ate to much like every year ;).

Today I decided to replace my washingmachine. I found a great one and to my surprise the store asked me if they could deliver it in two hours and install it at my home!! That's really good service!!! I have been without a washing machine for almost half a year and it gives a great feeling of freedom to have one again :).

Guilt and making my home a home

It is almost christmas, a time to spend with family and friends. I am feeling a little guilty that I love to celebrate it with my family instead of with my friends. I would like to please everyone but I just can't. If I try to please everyone I would have to travel for two straight days. Next year I need to think this over before I decide to spend all my time with my family.

Feeling guilty is something I struggle with a lot. I try to please everyone but don't spend enough time with just myself. This evening was the first evening I could spend alone at home. I fell asleep before I even had diner and woke up because someone texted me on my phone. I am so tired because everyone wants something from me that I also want to give. Hospitality is very important too me but I can't show my house because of the mess. I have been  living here for almost a year but it feels like a student apartment. I don't have enough closetspace for all my clothes, I don't have any curtains, I don't have doors in all my rooms etc. I know these are just luxury problems but still....

How to make my home a real home without neglecting my friends and family.... that is my real question :s.

What to do with midwinter

It is almost that special time of the year where I take a step back to enjoy the warmth of family and friends (okay, good food and wine too). I especially like the twelve days around midwinter. I can't celebrate it exactly the way I want because I live in a christian world and that would mean that I would have to celebrate it alone but I prefer the warmth of the seasoning so I always go back to my family. I always try to incorporate some of my believes into their christmas celebration (my family is non believing). I use those twelve days to reflect on my believes, which do I still stand for and what has changed this year in my life? Do I still feel the same connections with the Gods? What can I change so make myself a better person (no, I will never became Mother Theresa but I still can try sometimes to bring some good ;)). My spiritual path is a strange one that especially needs evaluation this year. Asatru is calling really badly but I don't want to fall for it without thinking and praying it over and that is really hard. I have fought for years to keep standing in the modern witchcraft/paganism and by changing directions so drastically I feel like that fight is going to start all over again.

A part that I especially like during this season is the tree. I like to decorate it and putting the lights in. This year I still haven't set up a tree because I don't know how to get one to my home ;). I hoped my parents would put one up for christmas but they don't want to do it because they think it is to much of a work :(. So probably I won't see a christmastree this year :(.

How do you celebrate christmas/midwinter/yule? And what is your favourite part?

Some changes are nice ones :D

This month has been a little bit crazy. I have been single for over 8 years. That sounds kinda pathetic but I rather want to be single then fall in love all the time. But yes it happened, I fell in love with al wonderfull guy :D. I am really happy especially because he likes me too ;).

Sinterklaas

On the 5th of december we always celebrate Sinterklaas (saint Nicolas) in the Netherlands. It is one of my favourite festivities of the year. Originally its a catholic festivity but the story of a entity punishing the insolent and giving gifts to good children is much older. Saint Nicolas rides on a horse on top of the roofs and sends his helper Zwarte Piet (Black Piet) down the chimney to bring gifts. He comes at the end of november to our country with a big steamship from Spain with all his helpers. And yes, the put that on national television every year. Every year there is a special news program about its progress towards the Netherlands (their are every year dificulties and stories that he can't come this year to scare the children).

I no longer believe in Sinterklaas (okay you are right.... Santa Claus is a really cheap Coca Cola nock off of the real thing Sinterklaas :D), but I still celebrate his feast every year with my family. It always starts with putting all our names in a bowl and taking one out. For this person you have to het 3 gifts with verses.

Because the 5th of december is on a monday and we all need to work we celebrated it today. It was really funny the only litte hick up was that I didn't receive any gifts and my father got 6 :P. Yes, there was a little mix up who got who. But I still loved the evening and I really don't mind not getting any gifts, I am much happier with the warmth and fun I had with my family. The big laughs we have with each other are every year my biggest gifts and the reason why I love Sinterklaas so much.

We do "celebrate" christmas (think: food, fun and family) while I celebrate Yule at the same time ;). But we normally don't give each other gifts during christmas. Most of the time I am the only one to give something (the ugliest socks I can find to make everyone laugh). But I really like Sinterklaas better :D.

And about my gifts ;), I am told I will get them another time LOL.

Update about my life

It has been a while since I posted on this weblog. My little chicklings aren't little anymore and finally have flown away. The weather has changed too so now it is getting much colder and the harvest storms have left the country.

I am truying to get to know myself spiritually again. I have been a wiccan for over 10 years but it doesn't fit me anymore. I don't want a complicated religion with many rules. I want a religion that I understand and I can fit myself into and which I can fit around me. I am looking in all different directions (no, christianity isn't it ;)). I found some stuff about my old dutch heritage and the old religions of my land. I don't know what to do with this knowledge. I am looking into it and it scares me a little but also feels completely okay. It is more the stigma other people have with this path. I am talking about Asatru.

Asatru is a pagan religion and why of life that is based on the old ways of the Noreman and the old western european religion with some local Gods and Goddesses but also a rich pantheon. I am talking about Thor, Wodan and Frya (to call some). I am especially drawn to the local dutch Goddess Nehalennia who is the Goddess of water and earth (a big dutch theme because living with and "fearing" both is part of being dutch ;)).

My problem with Asatru is that during WWII some germans used this religion to explain why they were superior. They started to use symbols which are still used by the neo-nazi's. Don't get me wrong I am REALLY not a nazi. I know the base of this religion is ok but is based on the Edda (bloody stories about the Gods and the three of life ;)). So I don't know what to do :(. Any insides to given me???

Bizar body :s

I have had problems with my lungs for some time now. I have been coughing my lungs out of my body, and haven't been able to walk a stair for quit some time. My doctor wanted to know if I had an infection in my sinusses so last week I had to let them take a X-ray of my head (yes, I do have brains). Today my doctor called me to tell me the results. It seems to be absolutely impossible for me to get sinusitis because..... I don't have any..... I just started laughing real hard when I heard that. It seems that I belong to the 5% of the population that hasn't formed a frontal sinus but to top it of my other sinusses are really really really tiny. I so hope that I can get that X-ray (I am a schooled radiology/nucleair medicine/echografic technologist) and put it in a frame or use it for study material for my students (what is wrong with this picture.... that would just be plain evil). Even my doctor was amazed and didn't know what to do with it. I just think it's hilarious ;). I am kind of happy about it because my father always had infections in his frontal sinus and I will never have to endure that!!!

Sorry but I am still smiling and laughing my ass off about this ;).

Fly away pigeons, fly away!

The little ones aren't so little anymore. They are almost as big as their mother but still want and need her to feed them. I hope they will spread their wings soon because I want my balcony back!! They became really tame which is kind of funny but also a pain because I really don't want to see them back when they have flown away.

They are still no beauties but it has inproved a lot since the last time I posted about my chicklings.

My entire balcony is covered with pigeonpoo so I really want to clean it up when they leave (tips are welcome).



What a haircut can do to you

Today I allowed myself to spend some money on me :D. So after work I went to the hairsalon to cut my hair :). The new hairdo is really simular to what I had with the difference that my hair isn't hanging in my eyes anymore and it is short enough again to wear it loose when I am working (we are not allowed to have loose long hair which means below the shoulders). I love the feeling of new cut hair, it feels light and bouncy again.

I know it is a really vain thing to get your hair done but I really looked like a scarecrow (not like that is a problem so close to "Halloween") and needed a good haircut. It just had been too long :D.

My rabbit!!!

Yesterday I celebrated my 27th birthday at my parents place. My actual birthday was much earlier but I was out of the country ;). My parents had a really good surprise. They gave me a statue of a rabbit that I can exchange for a real one :D.

I have wanted to get a lobsided french bunny for a really long time and now I get one!!! I am really happy with my gift. I had a bunny who died two months ago. After that I felt really lonely and depressed. I don't want a surogate for Wiebel but a big bunny has been a wish of mine for many many years.

My eye fell one these bunnies and they melted my heart. I have to wait for almost a half year before I can get one but I don't mind, they are worth waiting for.

Day 16 in the life of two little pigeons

My little ones are standing up and making noise. Mom is feeding them regularly and they are growing in a rate that I thought wasn't possible!!  They are flapping their wings already so flying will be their next step to take. I hope they will take the dive soon because I want my balcony back :D.

The pigeons have made a really big mess on my balcony and I am figuring out how to clean it up because I have health problems and can't use agressive cleaning materials but I have to clean it really good so no sickmaking stuff survives in there poo.

Who has any idea how to do this???

14 Days old and ugly!!!

It has been a while since my last entry but I have a really good excuse. The last week I had to go to Birmingham (England) for a congres about Nuclear Medicine. I learned a lot and had a lot of fun. The first day I was there it was my birthday and it is always fun to celebrate my birthday abroad :).

I came home late last night so I couldn't look at the little pigeons. Well, today I found out they are not little anymore!! And I can't say anything else then that they are really really REALLY ugly :P.

Nobody in his right mind can call these ones cute anymore :). I hope I will be able to clean everything after they leave because it looks really nasty. I looked on the internet and read there that pigeons fly away in 14 days but I think mine are a little slow and will take at least another week to try to fly. They are really quiet so I don't mind them except for the mess ;).

This weekend I will be celebrating my birthday with my family. I got a really nice gift from my closest friend. She gave me a ticket to go to the entire Twilight saga in a row. I don't know how I am going to do that because it means almost 10 hours in a movie theater (I HATE movie theaters). But I like Twilight and I like hanging out with my friend so I know it will be worth it :D.



Day 7 in the life of the little chicklings

It is so great that momma pigeon doesn't mind me looking too her children. When I open my balcony door she will leave them alone for some time and when I leave she comes back again.

The little ones have changed a lot the last three days. There feathers are coming trough which makes them looking kinda strange but I know they are growing well and hopefully will become fat city birds (a so called pest :D). Of course I have a new picture!

All the black pieces are where the feathers are coming. They are kinda ugly but stull really helpless en cute. Their eyes have oppened totally in the last two days so they can see me taking pictures. It makes them a little nervous so they even start to move a little bit ;).

I won't be able to make pictures in the coming week so this one will be the last one for several days. I hope that they will look like the real bird when I am able to make other pictures.

How does this work?

I have a problem with blogspot. It is just great to speak my mind and let you know what my life is like but I can't react to the reactions I get! I just isn't working! Every time I write a reaction blogspot can't place it! And now it won't even allow me to react to other blogs!!! Am I the only one with this problem or are there more???

Day four in the life of the two chicklings

Moma pigeon most be the best mother in the world to keep her offspring alive in this weather! It is cold and wet (completely normal for the Netherlands) and the wind is blowing like hell. The not so little chicklings have almost doubled in size! I can't imagine that only 4 days ago they were inside eggs. Of course I have a new picture but because of the bad weather it is a really dark one.

In only 10 days they will take their first dive from my 7th floor home. I hope I will be able to witness it but I need to leave the country for a couple of days so maybe I will miss it. So I enjoy them as long as I can :). I thought they would make a lot of noise but they are really quiet!!

Update!!

Today an update about the past few days. But first an update about the chicklings!

They are still alife!! Momma is keeping them warm all the time and is protecting them against the elements (it has been raining like hell these past few days). I tried to protect their place against the elements but I can't help the cold :(. It will be a miracle for them to survive.

Yesterday I had an amazing evening with two of my best friends. We call it a spiritual evening but it is more a good excuse to get the men out of the house and talk girlstuff. We also try out spiritual stuff (divination etc.) but mostly it is a lot of fun to be together. We went home pretty late (or early in the morning it depends....) so I slept most of my sunday away :). Tomorrow I have to work again. So, how was your weekend?

poor little chicklings

My poor little chicklings are getting really cold. Their mother tries to keep them warm but it is really windy and rainy today. It is also getting kinda cold and being on the seventh floor really doesn't help either. I tried to shelter their nest a little bit and put some food out for the mother. I so hope they will survive. This is all I can do without intervening to much in their young lifes but I still feel bad for them.

I started my weekend and I still don't know what to do with my free time. A friend asked me if I would come to a sprititual evening she is hosting (we never know what kind of spirit makes the evening a good evening ;)) but I still don't know if it is still on. Maybe I will go to the beach and let the wind blow me away.

The chicklings have arrived!

I have a really annoying pet on my balcony. It is a citydove (flying rat) with two little eggs. After 2 weeks of waiting the eggs have finally hatched and they are so cute!

My heart just melted when I saw them and now I am really happy that I am allowed to witness this miracle of life. I hope to see them grow and fly away in two weeks. What would you do if you found eggs on a really unconvenient place?

Sometimes you need to start new things

Well the title says it all. Sometimes you just need to start new things so you can find out if it works for you. I have never had a blog before (although I have used LiveJournal for some time) but now I feel the need to start one and just place things on it that I am thinking about or things from allday life.

I am curious how it will become in time :).